my darkestwish

This feeling transcends all physical desires;
you are my darkest wish,
so secret yet screaming to be fulfilled...
so close but so far out of reach,
though I swear I can feel each furtive glance,
your gentle touch like fire on my skin;
in this moment of bittersweet longing I feel sadness and joy and despair and ecstasy all at once,
nearly tearing me in two.

A Rant.

Why are people so selfish? Seriously, ever damned time I get into some kind of political argument about socialism, the same line comes up: "It's mine I earned it." What ever happened to sharing, to helping people who are down? I mean, how goddam heartless can you be, for frak's sake?

Because really, that's what it's all about. Helping your fellow man. Yeah, I understand the whole "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thing, I get that. To some degree I agree with it. My mom, for instance, sunk to the lowest of lows for a while when we were with my dad. She pulled us out of it and now we're doing pretty well. But sometimes it's just not possible. Some people are, in my opinion, unlucky. Some people don't have support from their friends and family. Some people are born poor and are never shown that they can live a better life, one that's safe and caring. I firmly believe that's part of the cause for all the rampant crime today. People steal out of need, out of fear, kill to survive in places like the Bronx and Chicago. They make a living in the only ways they know how, whether it be through drugs, sex, theft, etc, because no one cares enough to help those people, to stop the cycle of violence they're all caught in. Why is it such a bad thing to give a little of your money to a cause that can help fix this world? Granted, our government is corrupt and of course doesn't always use our taxes for what they're intended, but that's a whole different discussion. What I'm saying is, socialist programs aren't all bad. Of course we need to reevaluate the ones we have now, throw out the freeloaders who have the ability to get by, but people need help still.

We crusade around the world trying to help people in need, spreading our democracy to places deemed backwards in their practices. But we forget about our own people, our own country. You can't fix others if you don't first fix yourself and your own problems.

That was not the best written but it is a rant, something that's been bugging me lately. Enjoy.

New Name for the Blog!

I renamed my blog, as you can see. It's called "Belisama", after a Celtic goddess of lakes and rivers, fire, crafts and light. Here's the wiki article in case you care to look:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belisama

Question: Can she do the impossible?

Answer: Are you fucking kidding me? (Yeah that was actually a question to answer the question... screw off it's my blog.) Here's the scoop: I'm talking a summer course to make up for some classes I didn't do well in the past couple years, and to catch up. I emailed the prof about a month before class started and asked "Do I need any books for this class?", naturally so I could be prepared and order them off Amazon to have them in time (protip: Amazon is cheaper than buying books at your campus bookstore, kids.). So anyway, he emails me back and says, "No books to buy! It's all online. "See you" online later in the summer." I thought hey that's awesome. Three days before class started, however, I get an email, and lo and behold it tells us what books we need to get. Apparently he thought I meant another class. I didn't know he was teaching more than one. So here I am, ordering books, freaking the fuck out because I know they wouldn't get there for a week, at least. The books came this past week, on Monday, and I'm a week behind. Just my luck, I became very sick this past weekend and it carried on til about Wednesday, plus my job is crazy time consuming and I have had no time to really catch up the way I want. On top of that, I seem to be a slow reader. So, basically, I'm fucked. and next week, I don't have any off time at all, from about 7am to around 11.30pm I'm sitting here venting before I dive into history and temporarily lose connection with present day civilization. It doesn't help that my mom can never seem to find an ounce of sympathy, especially since this whole thing is the goddam professor's fault. This was supposed to be an easy A, a good way to boost my GPA and knock out some requirements for my major... So I'm disconnecting now, have a good weekend everyone... I know I won't be.

Did I mention it's my birthday on Sunday? -_- FML.

Lost Dreams

Where does this road lead?
I hope it leads to you.
Be this not so I'll leave this path,
And make one straight and true.

Will I wonder what lay behind?
Time is a fickle fiend.
I fear I will not have the time,
To ponder those lost dreams.

For what lay ahead is where my life lays.
On this path my heart leads me.
And I will follow it for as long as I have days.

Introductions

So. I'm bored, so I'm starting a blog. I'll prolly write here when I'm bored.

Yep that's it for introductions. Welcome to my blog, these days of mine.